Break Hold

A Recent dream:

An old friend from high school (whom I randomly met on the street) offered to give me a ride to the airport.  I think I had alternative means of getting to the airport, but I opted to go with the friend.  I had many hours until I had to be there. Of course, with all that time at hand, it had to be squandered.  It felt inevitable.  In the end, I had forgotten my medications and I had to be driven back home, and around the city, until I finally made it to the airport.  I was going to fly to Israel to see family, and visit the gravesite of my recently passed grandmother.  

I remember feeling bad, that my friend drove me all around the city. The past couple days, during my waking hours I started thinking about my behavior in this recent dream.  Do I expect people to serve me?  I felt that there was something in the behavior of this dream that felt so wrong.  It seemed so strange, yet predictable of my behavior, to wait, to need to extend the favor? I wonder what this ties to?  What was I resisting to let go of?  

Back to waking life, I am going to Israel this year.  It is hard to imagine what it will be like to visit my grandmother in a place of empty bodies.  She was terrified of gravesites.  I have actually already gone there two years ago when my grandfather, her husband, passed away.  He is burred in a plot right behind her. 

Last fall/ winter I painted a large canvas, 60w" by 74h" called "Song of Songs."  I painted it for her.  I started it before she became very ill.  When I was thinking about the images for this painting, I knew it had to have a ram with female figure holding a cell phone.  I was also certain that it had to have some text from the love poem to G-d, Shir v Shirim (song of songs).  I only found out later that it is common in Sephardic tradition to sing this poem at a widow's funeral.  

Sometimes intuition about those we love speaks so loudly, even when oceans cause physical separation.